Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
