I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
