they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
third nipple confirmed
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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