Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
