just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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