Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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