Kiss
Puke
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
I'm having to shit out rocks
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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