I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
