dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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