i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
