How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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