More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
