Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
