Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
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