It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
