It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
