Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
