You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize