What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
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