I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
Randomize
