You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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