I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
