Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
