new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
