Midget sex pt 2 tonight
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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