Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Randomize
