Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
