My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Randomize
