2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
