Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize