i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
