you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
Randomize
