Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
