yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
organizing the empties. That sober.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
