Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
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