somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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