Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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