The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
