so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
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