Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
