dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
