i just had sex bonerless
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
