small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize