i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
