I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
My breath smells like gin and sadness
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