...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There is a mosh pit in our kitchen. You better hurry.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
