I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
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