i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
It's no shave November. This is our time.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
