Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I just want to make out with him forever
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