in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
When you get this divorce finalized we're going to mid evil times AND pirate dining adventure. We're gonna find you a couple of real men and make them joust/swashbuckle for your affection. My treat.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
