If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Can I sell my birth control in a yard sale?
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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