do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Aww his grandma died? That's sad! No mourning sex!!! That doesn't lead to good things!
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