I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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