She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
