Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
