I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Randomize
