i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
ok, i just want to know who did it and which end it came out of
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
