It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Randomize
