i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
In America we eat man semen.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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