Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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