you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
