super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
