My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
