dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Slut skills are useful in every country.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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