Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I'm passing your future prison.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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