I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
