Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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