I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
Welp...herpes.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Help. Why am I so naked?
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
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