She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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