and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Randomize
