they need to just BURY HIM!
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Why is your signature on my underwear?
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Randomize
