I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Randomize
