i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
Randomize
