I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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